Advanced Banter: The Qi Book of Quotations (QI) by Stephen Fry, Alan Davies, John Mitchinson

By Stephen Fry, Alan Davies, John Mitchinson

The last word compendium of crisp one-liners, knockout jokes, droll asides and common truths accumulated through the years by means of the creators of QI.

'You be aware of 'that look' girls get after they wish intercourse? Me neither.' Steve Martin; 'You can't hinder the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, yet you could hinder them from nesting on your hair.' chinese language proverb; 'The Beatles are death within the flawed order.' Victor Lewis-Smith; 'Cauliflower is not anything yet a cabbage with a faculty education.' Mark Twain; 'Depend at the rabbit's foot if you happen to will, yet have in mind: it didn't paintings for the rabbit.' R.E. Shay; 'If it weren't for quotations, dialog among gents will be an unending sequence of 'what-ho's!' P. G.Wodehouse

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Example text

Ask the kid with the 1987 Hyundai Galant how much tail he gets driving down the road, and then ask yourself whether money really makes a difference at this level. Basically, it's a whole different world now and what you have means something. Unfortunately, in high school, it's difficult to be upwardly or downwardly mobile so chances are good that you're stuck where you are. Luckily, this will change when you get older, but for now you're just going to have to deal with it. Here are some of the more general classifications that you might fall into: TO H A N D L I N G C H I C K S 23 WHO YOU ARE— WHAT YOU CAN IN DESCENDING EXPECT ORDER DOWN THE FOOD CHAIN C H I C K S YOU CAN GET HOW TO MOVE U P IN T H E WORLD Star athlete T h e world.

You should only say you're sorry when: a. You grab some chick's boob and she objects b. You're drunk and being obnoxious c. You've beaned your buddy in a Little League game d. Pigs fly out of your ass 8. If you see your high school best friend talking to your girlfriend, you should treat him like: a. Benito Mussolini b. Adolf Hitler c. Osama bin Laden d. All of the above 9. If you're rich in high school: a. It doesn't matter, because you can't buy a house b. You get a BMW and chicks c. You're not happy unless you're a good person, too d.

Sure, you've got the stoners and the occasional dabblers, but the vast majority of high school chicks will not do drugs. T h e drug scene is everywhere. College is practically a drug supermarket: shrooms, ecstasy, and all the real hard stuff is there for the taking. Pot is so commonplace it might be offered in the dorm cafeteria. Virtually all college girls will, at the minimum, experiment with drugs in college and, at the maximum, become strung-out, holloweyed prostitutes. Always be present during a chick's experimentation phase.

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